It’s no secret that I’ve been married before. Honestly, I don’t regret that decision for a single second because it gave me the two most awesome kids on the planet.
Jim and I will celebrate our seven year anniversary this weekend. SEVEN YEARS!!! This man is truly the love of my life. Over the past seven years, I have learned so much about marriage, love and life in general.
I came across this article about a year ago and it really stuck with me. Take a second to read it….
I can’t say that Jim and my relationship is the perfect picture of domestic bliss every single day. We have arguments just like everyone else. Sometimes it gets pretty loud in our house. (Thankfully that doesn’t happen very often!)
On the other hand, I can honestly say that I’ve never laughed more. I’ve never been more committed to another person. And I’ve never felt this type of all-consuming love.
So this morning, after rereading that article for the 100th time, I thought it would be fun to do a post about what works for us. This is by no means a manual for the perfect marriage. Does that really exist?! It is a fun look behind our closed doors into what we do to make it work.
Rule #1: Laugh
Laugh every single day. I mean it. Every. Single. Day. Sounds simple, right? It really is! Jim has a wicked sense of humor and it compliments mine perfectly because my sense of humor is a bit twisted too. We laugh at the stupidest things and we couldn’t care less if other people think we’ve lost our marbles. There is always some sort of private joke we’re sharing.
For example, Jim does the most hilarious “voice over” for inanimate objects. Bailey will be lying on the floor and suddenly look up at Jim or I. Jim starts talking as if he’s Bailey and says the most ridiculous things. Seriously……this makes me laugh so hard that I literally wet my pants.
Rule #2: Make your marriage your first priority
Ask Jim about his parents’ relationship and he will describe something that you would see on Leave It To Beaver. I am completely sincere – and completely awed - when I say that. That relationship set the bar for Jim’s future relationships. Jim’s parents absolutely dedicated themselves to each other. In fact, Jim’s sisters will agree that it was George + Ruth first, the kids second. I cannot tell you how precious that is to me.
I was raised thinking that your kids should take the #1 spot for any parent worth their salt. Honestly, this gives me a bit of Mom-guilt, but I’ve realized that prioritizing your marriage is the best lesson you can teach your kids. It teaches them never to settle.
I’ve come to realize that your spouse should be your best friend. Through good times, bad times, ugly times and stressful times…..this person has your back no matter what. They will always take up for you even if you don’t take up for yourself.
Rule #3: Don’t lose yourself
This rule is so damn hard for me. It’s completely natural to “become” your husband’s perfect mate….or at least what YOU consider to be your husband’s perfect mate. It totally makes sense. You love this man and you want him to love you. Here’s the thing: He already loves you. You’re the one he chose to spend the rest of his life with. That wasn’t a fluke! You’re a catch baby!! J
Rule #4: Compromise
You’re probably thinking “duh!” I get it. It’s sounds easy until you try to do it. Honestly……how many of you have arguments with your spouse because they just won’t bend?! My hand is the first one to go up. Jim and I are both incredibly stubborn. (Sorry honey!)
Jim thinks his way is the best and I think mine is the best. When we get into that push/pull situation, it takes effort to step back, take a breath and talk the solution through.
Jim has an analytical mind. He can look at any situation and go from A to Z to find a solution in exactly .0579 seconds. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Me, on the other hand, I take a bit while longer to get to Z. I have to think it through, talk through it out loud (yep, I talk to myself out loud all the time) and figure out exactly how I feel about it. Most of the time we come to the same conclusion but what happens when we don’t? Well…..that’s tricky! There is no easy solution. Sometimes I give in, sometimes Jim does. Sometimes I think I give in more often. Sometimes Jim thinks he gives in more often too.
In the end, there are times when you have to bite your tongue and move on.
Rule #5: Bring the sunshine
Is there anything that feels better than getting a text from your spouse that just says “hi” or “I’m thinking of you”? That means more to me than a dozen roses.
If Jim has a rough day at work, I’m going to be the one he comes home to that makes him feel better. I might have had a completely shitty day too but that doesn’t matter. We can talk about my stuff tomorrow. That’s how it works. If I’m crabby, he makes me laugh. If he’s got road rage (again, sorry honey!), I’m the first one to make a joke. I don’t think of this as a chore. I’m the one who gets to make him laugh. That’s huge!
Here’s what I’ve learned from doing that: It’s completely contagious! When you make the effort to be the sunshine, it warms you up too! J
Happy 7th anniversary, Jim! I’m a lucky woman.
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